6/16/08 09:58 am - Where did my baby go?I was reading our old msn conversations. I really really miss those days. I don't know whether it's you who changed or I did. Or if being together took what we had, out. We used to talk about the littlest things and laughed over the silliest matters. I just don't know what happened to us. You seem to have lost the spark, that joy you had when we talked. I seem to have lost my tongue and the ability to reach out to you. Maybe it's because we talk less now? Maybe because we hang out less together? I know you are entering a different phase in life. You have started as a pupil, work load is coming in, you have reached a place in life whereby important decisions are to be made. You are trying to find balance, to find answers, to find peace with yourself because perhaps there is this strange burden weighing you down, zapping your energy away, eating up that joy in you. You don't talk about it, and I might be too speculative but I see it in your face. The only time I see you relaxed, joyous and comfortable, being yourself, is when you are in church and without a doubt, I know it's Jesus who is able to make you feel that way. I hope you will rememeber, always remember Him. In your heart you long to be closer to Him again but something perhaps seems to be pulling you away. I am sure He knows of how you feel and everything you are going through. He is just waiting for you to turn back to Him, to talk with Him, to know Him again like how He always know you. I am no saint, no smurf even sometimes. I feel alone, especially on days when you seem so distant. I feel alone not because I need constant assurance or affections but because there are times when it seems I am the only one who is here. That I am the only one who has all the feelings in the world for you but not from you. I am at a lost of what to do, to make you happy, to make you laugh and smile, to make you feel better, to give you the best, to be the best for you because sometimes it appears no matter what I do, just doesnt measure up. Some times that hurts. Some times I tear. All the time I will talk with Him and He will always remind me of what's good, what's true and to trust in Him, to just have faith in Him, to have patience. He tells me I am not alone. He tells me He is with me, and He is bringing everything that is good for you, to you. Sure, to hear your love affirmations will help ease me up alot but I know you are going through a tough time yourself. Who am I to make such demands of you just because of my own insecurities? To help you, to support you, I'd have to help myself first. And He is here to help me. Baby, I don't know where you'd go. But one thing is for sure - you've gotta turn back to Him. We both got to. |
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blackvelvetyred's journal
